I finally realized what’s been holding me back from going live—and it’s deeper than I thought. It’s not the tech. It’s not the content. It’s the look. Or more specifically, the pressure to have a look.

People say you need a signature style to build your brand. One consistent image. But I’ve never been one-note. One day I want twists. Next, I like it straight. My son says I should lock it. I say, maybe—but not today. My hair is a reflection of my mood, my season, my healing. And lately, that healing has been hard.

When Life Gets in the Way

Back in 2023, my hair finally reached the length I’d been working toward. Then I got sick. The medication dried out my hair and nails, leaving me with brittle strands and split ends. I had to do a chop—not a big one, but enough to feel the loss. Then I got sick again. Blood thinners took another toll. The growth I’d hoped for didn’t happen. My hair’s been healthy, yes, but not full. Not flourishing. Not what I envisioned.

Now it’s winter. I wrap my hair when I go out, but I don’t want to go live in a turban. I don’t want to wear one in my house. And that’s become the dilemma: What do I want? What look feels like me?

For years, I did birthday photo shoots—new look, new vibe, new season. But I skipped the last two. That’s not like me. I love reinvention. I love the artistry of it. But lately, I’ve felt stuck.

I want curls, but not just any curls—full, defined, shoulder-length curls. But my hair shrinks too much for that. So I blow it out. Straight gives me the length I crave, but not the fullness I love. And I had to ask myself: Why this obsession?

Turns out, it’s not just vanity. It’s legacy.

The Real Problem: Where It All Began

Growing up, my grandmother had a rule: no bald-headed girls in her pictures. If you could sit up, you had hair. If you didn’t, you wore a wig. A little bob cut. It was non-negotiable. And that did something to me. It planted a seed. Hair became identity. Hair became worth.

Then came modeling. John Casablanca taught me to be camera-ready. Always. That mindset stuck. Even now, I feel the pressure to show up polished. But I’ve broken free from the makeup trap. I go natural. I might dust on a bit of powder to even out the glare, but the full glam days are behind me.

Moving Forward

Still, I can’t stray too far. My little protégé is following in my footsteps—third generation. That’s a whole other blog: Breaking Chains. But today, I’m naming the chain I’m breaking now.

“The Hair Hangup”

I’ve decided: if my hair is blown out, it’s blown out. If it’s twisted, it’s twisted. If it’s up today and down tomorrow, so be it. I’m not fragmented. I’m multifaceted. And I refuse to hide one part of me from another.

So no, I won’t have one look. I’ll have many. But my name stays the same. My voice stays the same. My mission stays the same. My color scheme? Consistent. My personality? Unshakable. My branding? Rooted in truth, not trends.

And yes, I’ve got many voices—especially when my book characters come to life. But they all come from me. I might develop a persona one day, who knows? But for now, I’m showing up as me.

Thiz is me.

I don’t know what look you’ll get on any given day. But I promise, you’ll always get the real me. I love my grandmother. I honor what modeling taught me. But I’m letting go of the hangups. I’m showing up in every way that feels true.

And I might go live around the time this post goes live. No filters. No fuss. Just me.

Thiz is Me, Cee Marie