Three Words I Never Thought I’d Hear
“I appreciate you.”
Three words I never thought I would ever hear my mother say directly to me. Not since I was about twelve. It’s the closest I’ve ever heard to “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” from her.
She said it this holiday season, while I was managing her finances and medical care. She has a way of dropping bombs in my life. January started with a volcanic eruption, and December ended with this tropical, golden breeze.
To understand the weight of this, you need a few facts about our story:
- I am the eldest, born out of wedlock. My father’s name was never on my birth certificate.
- I was raised largely without his protection, in a household that became more fractured as I grew up.
- By my teens, my relationship with my mom felt less like mother-daughter and more like a complicated friendship that turned adversarial if I didn’t comply.
- We have had a tumultuous relationship, leading to what I call three “divorces”—periods of complete estrangement where I walked away.
- For years, the messages I heard directly were about my perceived inadequacies, what I owed her, and how I came as a “package deal” with her.
Others would tell me she bragged about me to the world, but she never said those proud, appreciative things to me. The script was always about what she did for me, never about what I did for her.
The final estrangement ended a few years ago. During COVID, my brother reconnected with her, and through a series of events, I was brought back in to help. This time, I set rules: I would manage her care with clear accountability. For four years, we’ve maintained this careful, supportive distance. I live elsewhere; I visit and help.
I did this not because she initially asked, but because I chose to honor a higher principle. Over time, she changed in many ways.
Then, this year, while reviewing her personal details, she said it: “I appreciate you. I appreciate all that you do for me.”
I took a deep breath. All I could say was, “Thank you. It’s nice to hear it directly.”
For the little girl, the young woman, and the grown woman I am—who had waited to hear those words directed at her from her mother—it filled a void. It is a moment to cherish, one not riddled with pain—a moment to treasure up in your heart.
So, for anyone listening: If you have someone in your life, a parent, a child, a friend—who has supported you despite a complicated history, take a moment. Tell them you appreciate them. If you can, tell them you love them. You never know the depth of healing those words can carry.
Three words can hold so much.
I finally heard them.
And I am thankful.