Who Said We Haven’t Fallen Apart?
Raising children with complex medical issues is never easy. The stress and strain on family resources at all levels raise another question: how do they do it all?
I often asked my parents that question and more. How do you smile through pain while your child lies in the hospital yet again? How do you function day after day, sometimes with little sleep in between? How do you still take time to share with strangers whose child may be going through their own crisis? How do you do it all without falling apart?
Many mothers will laugh when such questions are asked. Then I asked, “Who said we haven’t fallen apart?”
Many are fortunate to have families and friends to help shoulder the burden. Built-in respite, a team effort in caring for both the child and the primary caregiver. An ideal support system, but one that is often not available in its complete, most effective form, if at all.
There are also other parents, usually just one parent with minimal support, often relying on agencies if they qualify. These are the parents whose time is primarily dedicated to their child’s care, often at the expense of their own medical needs. They sacrifice everything to ensure their child’s survival each day. They ask for little, as the repeated ‘no’s have taught them self-reliance. Complaining wastes energy; instead, learning about new protocols, technologies, or medical breakthroughs would be more helpful.
During this Holiday Season, if you notice a parent or mother who appears strong and always willing to help others, but suddenly slows down or becomes silent, check in on them. If they aren’t acting like they used to, ask how they are instead of assuming the cause of their silence.
“Tis the season to jolly” isn’t everyone’s mindset when complex issues arise behind closed doors; the community around them only hears silence.